Time for an Update...

It has been a while since I updated you. May 2022 to be exact. That was the beginning of a very difficult end of the year for me. Lets rewind for a second...

In January, I had my first mammogram as it was recommended by my Ob/gyn. My mum is a stage 4 breast cancer survivor and so as you can assume, it is important to make sure to be in the clear. I went for the mammogram and they called me to tell me they needed to do an ultrasound. They had seen something in the results that they were not sure what it was and being that it was my first mammogram, they don't have anything to compare the results to. I figured I would be called back because it was my first mammogram. So I went back for the ultrasound and they immediately told me I needed to come back for a biopsy as what they saw, they couldn't determine if it was benign or not. I was 40 years old at the time and this frightened me. I went for the biopsy and got the results back in a few days. The results were BENIGN!!!! PHEW!

At the same time that my ob/gyn referred me for the mammogram, she also referred my husband and I to a fertility specialist. The fertility specialist that we saw was awesome! She ran some tests and figured out that I had polyps on my ovaries that may be interfering with my chances of getting pregnant. This was going to be my very first surgery and being put under anesthesia, so my nerves were a little elevated. Once the surgery was done, we had to wait a month or two before we started our first round of IVF. After a few weeks of administering shots into my stomach we were scheduled for the egg retrieval. The first egg retrieval came back with 3 eggs and we only had one that went on for genetic testing. That came back not viable so we started the second round of IVF. This round included a few more shots - 2 in the morning and 5 at night (not a fun experience but I am thankful for my husband who was by my side through this entire process). This time they were able to get 5 eggs, 4 were mature enough to fertilize, 3 survived the fertilization, 2 survived the biopsy and were sent for genetic testing. One came back not viable and then the other came back with no results. We opted to de-thaw that egg for an additional biopsy to be sent out for genetic testing. We got a call a week before my 41st birthday that the egg did not survive the de-thawing part. My husband and I were DEVASTED to say the least.

For months after getting that news, I ate my feelings. I questioned myself and was hurt. My two oldest sisters have 6 children a piece, my brother has 2 children and my other sister has 1 child. Why am I not able to have children? What am I doing wrong!? It was a constant battle of comparing myself to others, crying about people getting pregnant after their first try doing IVF or IUI or just naturally, getting angry and not wanting to see mom's in grocery stores with their children and be pregnant. "Why am I being punished?" was one of the main questions I kept asking! No one really knows what you are going through with this process, unless they have been through the process themselves. It is an emotional rollercoaster.

I ate carbs, I drank a lot of alcohol and I lost myself in the process. It was a very hard year for me health wise but for my husband and I, it was very emotional. We have not fully processed the news we got but I realized that I need to stop feeding my depression (literally) and get back into the positive mindset and eating keto again. Monday, January 9th was DAY ONE.

I weighed myself Sunday, January 8th and gained all the weight back that I lost except for 3 pounds. I saw this happening to myself and I allowed it. I can't go backwards. I am upset with myself for letting myself go so far but I also just mentally wasn't there to do keto. I have given myself grace to process what I have done and to allow myself to grieve over the news that we received. This isn't an easy process that we have been through and a lot of people don't speak about it when they go through it. I want to speak about it because it will help me heal and it will also help others to know they aren't alone!

In the past, I would have just kept doing what I was doing - eating and drinking - and not caring. But I know how good I felt when I was living the keto life and I have had the itch to get back on track inside of myself for a few weeks now. I am thankful for all I learned while doing keto in the past and I also am thankful that, although I gained the weight back, I know I have the drive, determination and knowledge to get back into this! I am excited for my new future!

So that brings me to the present day. I have visions, goals and dreams for myself for this year and for this website. Some of the items I want to do this year with this website - share some tips and tricks to keto living and getting started on keto. Go to the store with a budget of like $20 and get food for dinner and make it with the $20 (It can be done and thanks Soto for the idea!). Maybe have my husband go to the store and get items (keto friendly of course) and make a chopped basket that I have to come up with a delicious meal for us.

I also want to share recipes from one of the chefs that I follow, Chef Michael Silverstein (he was the running up on Master Chef All-Stars - we have chatted a few times on Instagram! I absolutely LOVE him!). I want to try to feature one or two of his recipes in a week to encourage you to also cook keto friendly recipes that aren't super hard to make! Either way - I want to be more present here - and share more with you!

I am very much looking forward to the coming weeks and the next steps that I will be taking and sharing with you. As always, I appreciate your support and encouragement as I continue this journey. I am always here for you as well! Please feel free to comment with ideas that you want me to share with you or just to say hello! Love hearing from you! 😍

Till next time - Bon Appetit!